you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
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some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
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Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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