Only a mothe r could love this liver
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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