Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Ketchup is God's man juice
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Randomize
