ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
