i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
