I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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