She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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