Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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