I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
