Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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