I am full of burrito and curiosity
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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