I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
