Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
