this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
