This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
