My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
