No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
No I am not eating basil off your cock
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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