Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
