Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
