im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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