You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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