$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize