M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
ugly people sure do ruin things
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
