Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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