Soap is not a condiment
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
