I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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