i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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