when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
