people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
