so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
