Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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