you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
