If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
