i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
