The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm sobbing to NWA
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
