we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
