The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
