First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize