Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
