I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
