So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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