He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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