So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
