How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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