Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
