So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize