I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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