the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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