I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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