then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
