The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
