have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
