So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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