do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I need moral support for this bender
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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