god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
