I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
