Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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